the reckoning

Wait.  That’s not my phone number.

My husband had ‘disappeared’ again.  He’s done this off and on for the more than 25 years I’ve known him, but more frequently since his sister died in 2023.

I hadn’t been too concerned really. I knew he was dealing with some sad stuff – I let him have his quiet time and he always showed back up – still not ready to talk about it.  This time was different.  This time he’d already been sleeping on the couch for a week. This time he had a commitment to be somewhere and he wasn’t.

So I checked our cell phone bill to see if I could figure out how he’d been spending his time.  942 text messages to a number that wasn’t mine this billing cycle and thousands more dating back to December of 2023.

I’d always been a little proud that we weren’t one of those couples who gave each other a live action play-by-play of our days – guess I was wrong.  The woman who answered the phone declined to tell me anything other than, “you’ll need to ask him, hon”.  (I later determined that it’s a woman he had an affair with more than 15 years ago. [And also, if you’re the type of woman who engages in an affair with a married man, don’t call his wife ‘hon’ when she inevitably finds out. Jesus.])

In the 60 days since he last slept at home, he’s changed his phone number and bought a new car. But – he hasn’t changed his address, so my divorce papers (and request for spousal support) can’t be delivered.

I won’t hide like he is and I won’t sit around and do nothing.

So here I am, being honest, vulnerable and real as I launch into this new chapter of my life in a painful, sad way that I will still improve and make mine.

Please give me some grace as I share this journey with you, I will stumble, but I will not fall.